Alien: Covenant: A Tale of Two Tales (An Average Conclusion)

Long is the way and hard, that out of hell leads up to light

John Milton, Paradise Lost

As the level of anticipation for this last Alien entry has risen to be nearly palpable, so too rises the level of disappointment of the movies overall. Looking back over the series, you can track the quality of the movies and almost create a roller coaster ride with the line connecting them. The thunderous beginning of the series, followed by twists and turns and corkscrews in the movies that come after. All of these aspects inevitably ending with this movie: a slow and sad end of the ride. Ending a series with a movie like this reminds us all of lessons taught repeatedly throughout many franchises in the last decade: a simple premise  CANNOT uphold 40 years of movies and still remain as fresh as the start. I’m pretty bad at analogies involving roller coasters, but I’m pretty good at being bitter and jaded about movies, so let’s end this project with Alien: Covenant.

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Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem, The Bad Slasher Movie (Average Pt. 6)

What the ****? Where did this come from? Where the hell did this movie come from?

Liam O’Donnell, creative consultant for AVP R, on the AVP franchise, 2017

Posting has been rather infrequent the past two weeks, and I think I would owe a lot of that to whatever the hell movie it was that I watched for this review.

Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem is no one’s first choice. I can only hope that it was not yours, and it definitely wasn’t mine. There is always at least one movie in a franchise where one has to ask why it was made, and that is where you have a great possibility of losing your audience: Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem is one such movie. It is simultaneously a cheap and expensive burning of money on the screen and most probably felt that when leaving the theater (as of writing, AVP R stands at a 12% critic score and 30% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes). Scenes are incredibly poorly lit, CGI was passable but still bad for the time, and the acting seemed like it came straight out of a Friday the 13th movie. Let’s break it down:

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‘The Cloverfield Paradox’ Film Review

Grade: B-

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)

I find it hard to believe that Netflix decided to distribute the third installment in the ‘Cloverfield’ franchise. What started off as a found-footage science-fiction thriller shrouded in mystery and destruction paved way for sequels that have a cinematic look and feel. Though, one does not have to watch any in specific order (Honestly, I may have watched ‘Cloverfield’ months back, yet missed out on ’10 Cloverfield Lane’ before watching this). With ‘The Cloverfield Paradox’, it is easy to see that, despite having elements of the first ‘Cloverfield’, the characters, stories, and situations are different in how they handle this mysterious force. ‘Cloverfield’ took place at a going-away party in Manhattan where party-goers were filming the destruction, ’10 Cloverfield Lane’ set itself in a bunker with three survivors, while ‘The Cloverfield Paradox’ brings us into the future where time and space literally collide.

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‘A Dog’s Purpose’ Film Review

Grade: C-

A Dog's Purpose Movie Poster

Looking for a feel-good movie where Josh Gad voices the inner thoughts of dogs in a humorous fashion?  There are times where you get a laugh at whatever is going on inside these canine’s heads and it succeeds in the way that is simpler than ‘Look Who’s Talking’ (where Bruce Willis voiced the inner thoughts of Baby Mikey), and 7(x) better than its third entry ‘Look Who’s Talking Now’ (which also had dogs, but with Danny DeVito and Diane Keaton voices), but it is also emotionally manipulative; torturing us with scenes of dogs dying (One of them being the most intense, and not for the major dog lovers.)

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