Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem, The Bad Slasher Movie (Average Pt. 6)

What the ****? Where did this come from? Where the hell did this movie come from?

Liam O’Donnell, creative consultant for AVP R, on the AVP franchise, 2017

Posting has been rather infrequent the past two weeks, and I think I would owe a lot of that to whatever the hell movie it was that I watched for this review.

Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem is no one’s first choice. I can only hope that it was not yours, and it definitely wasn’t mine. There is always at least one movie in a franchise where one has to ask why it was made, and that is where you have a great possibility of losing your audience: Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem is one such movie. It is simultaneously a cheap and expensive burning of money on the screen and most probably felt that when leaving the theater (as of writing, AVP R stands at a 12% critic score and 30% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes). Scenes are incredibly poorly lit, CGI was passable but still bad for the time, and the acting seemed like it came straight out of a Friday the 13^th movie. Let’s break it down:

‘Deadpool 2’ Film Review

Grade: A

I have never had so much fun watching ‘Deadpool 2’. What the first feature lacked, David Leitch’s sequel gains — in terms of fast-paced, non-stop action, and jokes that actually hit me. In case you did not know already, I thought the first ‘Deadpool’ was okay. I was expecting it to be a great superhero movie, but its uneven structure really bothered me; of course, that may have been its intention, and it actually proved to be more enjoyable on its second viewing. I just really loved ‘Deadpool 2’. Not a dull moment flew past me as I sat through explosions, profanity, gore, and fourth-wall breaks. The character of Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) is a gift from Marvel heaven, though he has yet to make his appearance in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (The Disney/Fox merger happened in 2017). We might as well enjoy these cinematic offerings while they are hot, naughty, and R-rated.

‘Kingsman: The Golden Circle’ Film Review

Grade: C+

What made ‘Kingsman: The Secret Service’ a fun movie were not just its action sequences or sense of humor, but its elements of both surprise and danger. Almost every moment kept you on your toes – making you wait for something to happen – only to provide a twist at each and every turn. Here, in ‘The Golden Circle’, every bit of surprise and sense of humor is traded in for a gleefully out-of-place story-line involving Julianne Moore playing a drug kingpin named Poppy, living in a hideout drenched in 50’s nostalgia, while grinding unsuspecting victims up as burgers as if she were Mrs. Lovett in ‘Sweeney Todd’, only the opposite. Cheerful and bubbly, but not actually creepy enough to pass as a good villain. Let’s take a look at Samuel L. Jackson’s Valentine from ‘The Secret Service’. He was a ridiculous and clichéd spy movie villain with a cliched agenda, but one with an appeal to make him entertaining. I must mention that ‘The Secret Service’ was an action-comedy, which added to the fun.

‘Atomic Blonde’ Film Review

Grade: B-

With ‘John Wick’, and now ‘Atomic Blonde’, director David Leitch (who was a stuntman for actor Brad Pitt) has proven himself to be skilled at directing action. Don’t believe me? Look at the way the action sequences in this action-thriller are choreographed. Charlize Theron manages to give and take every blow to and from her adversaries with a Bing! Bang! Boom! Making you feel every hit; injecting you with an adrenaline rush fit for an action movie. In one scene, that takes place in an apartment in West Berlin, MI6 agent, Lorraine Broughton (Theron) is escorting a man named Spyglass (Eddie Marsan) to safety, when she is confronted by KGB agents, who come one by one as if they are re-spawning video game characters. She starts offing them in a long drawn-out sequence not set to music (almost all action sequences are stylishly set to 80’s New Wave, such as ‘Father Figure’ by the late George Michael, or ’99 Luftballons’ by Nena), albeit not as intense as the church shooting in ‘Kingsman: The Secret Service’, there is still a quiet intensity while watching people get stabbed, bloodied, punched, even kicked down the stairs; making it one of the greatest, and well-filmed action sequences.

‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2’ Film Review

Grade: B

I was excited for ‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2’ after seeing the first major trailer which showed the original cast (including the likes of Chris Pratt, a green-skinned/sexy Zoe Saldana, an excitable Dave Bautista, a CGI-raccoon with Bradley Cooper’s close-to-Italian accent, and a tiny version of one of everyone’s favorite repetitive could-be annoyances in tree form.) doing some action/comedy exercises intercut with Sweet’s ‘Fox on the Run’. I was given more exciting action, humor, brightly colored footage compared to the first ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’s dimly lit cinematography, and excitement that thrilled me.